Using a coaching approach as a leader is invaluable because it encourages your team to be resourceful, come up with new ideas, own and take responsibility for their work. I notice that most of us do more telling and solutionising than we need to when listening to others. If you take any recent conversation that you have had, consider whether you told your story and ideas more than you listened. If you did then you are not alone, it’s common to feel our worth comes from giving solutions however, it may undermine the person as they may not feel trusted or heard. In this blog we will explore some simple strategies and coaching skills for leaders when developing their team.

What is coaching?

Coaching conversations encourage the person to have new insights about themselves and their situation. It supports people to see things from different perspectives so that they can increase their awareness and their choices about moving forward. Coaching also uses a specific process which, once understood, can be used in many conversations as a leader to help structure the conversation to be more productive.  

Leaders with a coach mindset

In any given conversation you may flex your style to move between coaching, mentoring, delegating and directing. However, many leaders recount to me that they lean on directing the most as they feel it is necessary to solutionise more than anything else. If this is also you then you are not alone! If you think about it, most of us are paid for our expertise and to know the answers. And yet in a coaching conversation we are encouraging you to be curious, and let go of “the answer”, so that your direct report can think out loud and come up with new insights themselves.

This relies on the leader having a mindset that the person in front of them is “creative, resourceful and whole”. One of the other key reasons people find it hard to let go of solutionising is that they assume the person is looking for help, in fact mostly they are not. They are looking for some space to be heard and to think things through themselves with you as their witness or partner. The concept of positive self-regard supports us here in that we can view the person in front of us as someone who has a wealth of ideas and answers. Our job is to be fully present, curious and listen so that the other person can find those ideas. 

Active listening

Can you think about a time you felt truly listened to recently? What was the other person doing that made you feel heard? Great listening is about:

• Being fully present – managing the noise in your head is a key component of presence, in that we can’t stop the chatter, yet we can notice it and put it aside to truly listen. 
• Curiosity – have you ever noticed how curious children are? They stay in a state of wonder much more than adults do. We are also looking to regain some of that childlike curiosity to truly listen rather than be in a place of “I know”. 
• Listening for more than the surface topic – to get to a deeper level of listening I encourage you to notice beyond the persons words – what are they feeling? What do they believe about their situation that is driving their thoughts? Most conversations go back and forth with facts, what we both know, rather than getting deeper in to why we are acting the way we do and what is driving it. So as a leader as coach you can listen more intently to encourage the person to have more depth about their situation. To create behaviour change we want to uncover the beliefs that are driving the current behaviour. 

The leaders self-awareness

Great coaching starts with the coach themselves. Is the leader working on their own self-awareness? Does the leader have time to reflect and be coached? This dual process of being a coach and being coached is vital as it provides you with the awareness about what coaching can do for you. It also helps the leader recognise how they are showing up in any given situation.

When I train leaders in coaching skills, I always start the session with questions such as “How is your presence today”? or “How would you describe your energy?” – these important questions uncover the true reality of our presence – usually the words I hear are “distracted”, “busy”, “better now you have asked that question!” and in recognising the busy ness we can then acknowledge it and become more present to the conversation. 

Questions

The result of a great coaching conversation is that the person has a new awareness than when they started. To create new awareness, we want to ask questions that are forward looking rather than encouraging the person to share all the things they know already. “Quigestions” are to be avoided i.e. a question that has a suggestion in it. If you have an opinion I encourage you to simply offer it as a perspective rather than making it in to a question. 

Structure the conversation

The start

Coaching starts with a focus – uncovering what the person wants to focus on during the conversation. Use questions such as: 

• “What do you want to work on in our time together today?”
• “What do we want to work on that will make the most difference to you?”
• “How will you know we have achieved what you wanted?

The Middle 

As the person is exploring it is vital that the coach is paying attention to the bigger picture rather than “the story” of the exploration. Use questions such as:

• “What are you noticing about the situation now?”
• “Where have we got to?”
• “What do we still need to explore today that would be useful for you?”

The End 

This is about encouraging the person to notice the new insights – it is not necessarily about a whole list of actions. Perhaps they have joined the dots on a few pieces of their situation and by sharing these out loud they start to make more sense to them. Perhaps they have learnt more about themselves. Use questions such as: 

• “Where are you at now?”
• “What have you learnt about yourself?”
• “What do you want to do next?”
• “What support do you need?”

Key takeaways

• Start one to ones with a check in, enquire how are they doing at a human level not a work level.
• Focus on active listening.
• Avoid interrupting.
• Get curious.
• Uncover the purpose of the conversation for the person, not for you. 
• Check in during the conversation if it is going in the desired direction. 
• Be present.
• Be honest. 
• Offer perspectives rather than telling them as fact. 
• Ask for feedback. 
• Notice and avoid making assumptions. 
• Treat every conversation with a fresh pair of eyes. 
• Reflect after your conversations about your presence. 
• Avoid lengthy storytelling, instead, use the time to encourage the person to make meaning and create new ideas. 

In summary

I encourage you to try out new ways of being more present, listening at a deeper level, and getting more curious about your own style, are you more of a listener or teller? Are you looking to fix situations and people, more than you are encouraging them to find their own answers? A great coach starts with someone who is keen to become more self-aware themselves. 

I’d love to hear how you get on and how you find developing your own coaching approach. If you would like support with building your leadership style do get in touch to see how 1:1 leadership coaching sessions can support you.